In Defense of Selena Gomez

selenaheadYou know how these articles work. I complain about researching the doldrums of pop culture, reach for some defense of a pitiful icon, throw in some self-effacing humor and use grandiose words like a purveyor of puerile puns. This week we have a special on awful alliteration.

All that to say, this entry is a little different. This week, I am defending an icon I actually enjoy, one who deserves more respect than she gets.

That’s right, you connected the dots. I am a fan of Selena Gomez.

Tacky album cover and all.

Tacky album cover and all.

I know what you’re thinking, and I’m not being sarcastic. There’s a first time for everything, dear reader.

It all started a weeks ago, when my mother sent me a few singles off Ms. Gomez’s “When the Sun Goes Down” album. I figured my dear mother had succumbed to some terrible disease, losing all semblance of musical taste. It has happened before.

I eventually accepted my fate and played the songs, titled “Love You Like a Love Song” and “Bang Bang Bang.” Yes yes, the titles made me cringe too, shut up. I listened to them anyway, and both are pretty simple techno songs. Then I found myself listening to them again. It was like a disease.

That’s not a good allusion to use, is it? Oh well, I don’t care.

To be clear, Selena Gomez DOES NOT cause Legionella.

To be clear, Selena Gomez DOES NOT cause Legionella.

On repeated listens, Ms. Gomez began to grow on me. The album plays like a light version of La Roux, one of my favorite bands of the past few years. If you like Europop, listen to these songs and tell me they are worthless. You cannot.

I started looking online for reviews, to see if my ears degraded along with my mind. However, what I found only strengthened my resolve. Most of my normal review sites didn’t give the album any review, period. It was almost like they (shock) weren’t taking her seriously. After all, most serious critics don’t review episodes of iCarly.

The reviews I did find were pretty glowing, but they had one thing in common. Here, I would like to point out that I wrote 330 words before mentioning one Justin Bieber.

Mikael Wood of Entertainment Weekly wrote, “Has the future Mrs. Bieber been taking guidance from her prince-of-pop boyfriend?”

4 words, including a title.

Amy Sciarretto of PopCrush.com wrote, “While Gomez’s music is squeaky clean and mostly PG and G-rated, her breathy, sunny delivery keeps it buoyant and memorable amidst a pack of peers… We admit. We love Gomez like a love song. We get why Justin Bieber is so enamored by her.”

125 words in the original text. The latest mention I found by miles.

Selena Gomez seems to be eternally attached to her popular beau. Since his music is not particularly engaging beyond girly tweenagers, one could assume his Disney-manufactured girlfriend is even less worthwhile. However, this couldn’t be further from the shocking truth. Justin Bieber is only now trying to overcome his prepubescent years, transforming himself into a serious artist (with a tacky chrome car).

His girlfriend, on the other hand, is already there.

Selena Gomez is simply better than Justin Bieber. That may not seem like much of a compliment coming from me, but even I’m surprised I’m writing it. My fandom is truthfully and honestly genuine. No sarcasm, I’m being perfectly pellucid.

Again, alliteration. Ugh, awful.

If you are planning to accept my recommendation for Ms. Gomez, I have one word of warning. Don’t watch the video for “Love You Like a Love Song.” It’s among the most insipid things I’ve ever seen, and not helpful in taking her seriously.

And now you’re typing it into YouTube, aren’t you? That’s right, I know how you people work. I’ll even give you the link.

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